Thursday, December 18, 2008
Static
"Does it matter what direction you blow dry your hair in, because now mine is sticking up. I mean first there was straightening, then perfume, now blow drying. Man it must be really hard to be you."
Sunday, November 9, 2008
because halloween isn't just for kids
"what are you dressed up as?"
"guess. I'll give you a hint. It got popular in the 60's."
"Birth control!"
"guess. I'll give you a hint. It got popular in the 60's."
"Birth control!"
Sunday, October 5, 2008
A Walk in the Park, A Roll in the Hay
"When it's with girls, I like it one way. But with boys, I like it the other way!"
Just A Little Decoration...
I think it's a shame girls don't have facial hair.
Some would look really good.
Some would look really good.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sometimes I Wait at the Bottom of the Stairs When You Go To Shower..."I Don't Do That. Sometimes I Don't Shower, but..."
"So sometimes I'm really creepy, does anyone notice?"
Monday, September 29, 2008
microwave oven or bun in the oven?
"shouldn't you be able to make a computer?"
"no, can you build everything that you use, can you make a microwave?"
"no, but thats different, i'm not in engineering."
"fine, can you make a human?"
"...yes."
"oh."
"no, can you build everything that you use, can you make a microwave?"
"no, but thats different, i'm not in engineering."
"fine, can you make a human?"
"...yes."
"oh."
Sunday, September 28, 2008
What Province Am I Thinking Of?
"He met his soulmate. They talked about politics all night and he didn't want to go home."
"Oh really, what's her name?"
"His name's Guillme"
"Oh really, what's her name?"
"His name's Guillme"
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Today was Tomorrow and Soon to Be Yesterday
"I used to get yesterday and tomorrow confused all the time, but like, I'm getting better"
"Self Hate is Vital to the Artistic Process"
"I have my own song stuck in my head, it's pretty painful."
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
An Apple a Day...Keeps Your Foot On?
"If they're diabetic and you give them sugar, their foot will fall off.
...
No, no, no, I mean if you eat an entire chocolate cake your foot will fall off."
...
No, no, no, I mean if you eat an entire chocolate cake your foot will fall off."
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
That's How You Chop Wood
"I don't mind, as long as someone talks to me I don't notice what my hands are doing."
Don't Worry, I Just Don't Like You
"So when I go to other people's houses, not people I know, but like dinner parties. I always use the kleenex instead of toilet paper. It's just so much softer and I don't mind wasting it."
Seeing is Believing
"How did you get a management agenda? I want a management agenda."
"I don't have one"
"It's right there I see it, Managment Agenda"
"It says Time Management."
"I don't have one"
"It's right there I see it, Managment Agenda"
"It says Time Management."
Sunday, September 21, 2008
personal growth
"so, I got over my fear of penguins, but my fear of people walking like penguins; not so much."
Control Yourself, Take Only What You Need from Them
"Oh we have to dance, MGMT is playing, Hipsters love MGMT"
Saturday, September 20, 2008
So That's What They Do in Halifax
guy walks into room with two people and jumps on bed:
"THREESOME"
guy walks into room with 3 people, tackles girl to bed :
"FOURSOME"
"THREESOME"
guy walks into room with 3 people, tackles girl to bed :
"FOURSOME"
guy 2 dressed up as guy 1
"oh my god, he looks like such a hipster...wait, do i always look like that much of a hipster?"
How Every Great Romance Begins...
Guy walks into room to see his roomate hooking up with a girl
"So...do you guys just want to get this over with and we can all split a cab home?
...
Alright, I'll let you think about it."
"So...do you guys just want to get this over with and we can all split a cab home?
...
Alright, I'll let you think about it."
Friday, September 19, 2008
What a Bitch!
Key Cutting Museum
"You guys never let me run small businesses out of our spare room"
"You guys never let me have a bed and breakfast"
"You guys never let me dress like you"
"You guys never let me insert things"
"You guys never let me have a bed and breakfast"
"You guys never let me dress like you"
"You guys never let me insert things"
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