mmmm...mmmm...good.

"When I was in Grade 11 I was prettier than all soup."

That's unfortunate

I wouldn't have sex with him if I was him.

H-Bomb to the Drunk Tank: 2CC

"Hey, STOP!"
"I'm going to the bathroom you Nazi!"

In Need of Reception

Can you do us a favour and study behind the tv.

Static

"Does it matter what direction you blow dry your hair in, because now mine is sticking up. I mean first there was straightening, then perfume, now blow drying. Man it must be really hard to be you."

because halloween isn't just for kids

"what are you dressed up as?"

"guess. I'll give you a hint. It got popular in the 60's."

"Birth control!"

A Walk in the Park, A Roll in the Hay

"When it's with girls, I like it one way. But with boys, I like it the other way!"

Just A Little Decoration...

I think it's a shame girls don't have facial hair.

Some would look really good.

Sometimes I Wait at the Bottom of the Stairs When You Go To Shower..."I Don't Do That. Sometimes I Don't Shower, but..."

"So sometimes I'm really creepy, does anyone notice?"

Insert Foot Into Mouth Now

"Why do I talk, it only goes badly."

microwave oven or bun in the oven?

"shouldn't you be able to make a computer?"

"no, can you build everything that you use, can you make a microwave?"

"no, but thats different, i'm not in engineering."

"fine, can you make a human?"

"...yes."

"oh."

What Province Am I Thinking Of?

"He met his soulmate. They talked about politics all night and he didn't want to go home."
"Oh really, what's her name?"
"His name's Guillme"

Today was Tomorrow and Soon to Be Yesterday

"I used to get yesterday and tomorrow confused all the time, but like, I'm getting better"

"Self Hate is Vital to the Artistic Process"

"I have my own song stuck in my head, it's pretty painful."

So Sweet, So Beautiful

"Why are you eating expired yogurt?"

"it's best before, not shitty after!"

Courtesy of...

Go to the Proctologist

"I have some calc problems to do"
"I have anal problems"

An Apple a Day...Keeps Your Foot On?

"If they're diabetic and you give them sugar, their foot will fall off.

...

No, no, no, I mean if you eat an entire chocolate cake your foot will fall off."

That's How You Chop Wood

"I don't mind, as long as someone talks to me I don't notice what my hands are doing."

Don't Worry, I Just Don't Like You

"So when I go to other people's houses, not people I know, but like dinner parties. I always use the kleenex instead of toilet paper. It's just so much softer and I don't mind wasting it."

Seeing is Believing

"How did you get a management agenda? I want a management agenda."
"I don't have one"
"It's right there I see it, Managment Agenda"
"It says Time Management."