microwave oven or bun in the oven?

"shouldn't you be able to make a computer?"

"no, can you build everything that you use, can you make a microwave?"

"no, but thats different, i'm not in engineering."

"fine, can you make a human?"

"...yes."

"oh."

What Province Am I Thinking Of?

"He met his soulmate. They talked about politics all night and he didn't want to go home."
"Oh really, what's her name?"
"His name's Guillme"

Today was Tomorrow and Soon to Be Yesterday

"I used to get yesterday and tomorrow confused all the time, but like, I'm getting better"

"Self Hate is Vital to the Artistic Process"

"I have my own song stuck in my head, it's pretty painful."

So Sweet, So Beautiful

"Why are you eating expired yogurt?"

"it's best before, not shitty after!"

Courtesy of...

Go to the Proctologist

"I have some calc problems to do"
"I have anal problems"

An Apple a Day...Keeps Your Foot On?

"If they're diabetic and you give them sugar, their foot will fall off.

...

No, no, no, I mean if you eat an entire chocolate cake your foot will fall off."

That's How You Chop Wood

"I don't mind, as long as someone talks to me I don't notice what my hands are doing."

Don't Worry, I Just Don't Like You

"So when I go to other people's houses, not people I know, but like dinner parties. I always use the kleenex instead of toilet paper. It's just so much softer and I don't mind wasting it."

Seeing is Believing

"How did you get a management agenda? I want a management agenda."
"I don't have one"
"It's right there I see it, Managment Agenda"
"It says Time Management."